I have seen dragons breathe fire, I have spoken to kings, and I have walked through forgotten realms.

But nothing—absolutely nothing— prepared me for the day I got into an argument with a teapot.

And worse?

The teapot won.

A Cup of Trouble

Now, I have faced great beasts and ancient curses.

I have battled shadow lords, crossed realms unknown, and once tricked a dragon into giving me a ride home.

But never…

Never in my long life…

Had I been humiliated by a teapot.

Yet, here we are.

The Teapot Appears

It all started on a rather ordinary morning.

I had just sat down for my usual cup of tea, wrapping my cloak around my shoulders when—

“Oh, well, this is just ridiculous!”

I blinked.

I looked around my cottage.

No one there.

The wind outside? Silent.
The books on my shelves? Behaving.
The cauldron in the corner? Not bubbling over for once.

Then I heard it again.

“You call this tea?! It’s disgraceful! The temperature is completely off!”

I stared down.

At my teapot.

Which was now… talking.

An Argument Begins

“Excuse me?” I said, raising an eyebrow.

“You heard me, wizard!” the teapot snapped, puffing out an angry cloud of steam. “You may know magic, but you clearly know nothing about proper tea brewing!”

I set my staff aside and leaned in.

“Listen, you enchanted kettle—”

“Teapot!” it corrected. “I have class!”

“Fine. You enchanted teapot,” I grumbled. “I have been making tea for centuries, and I assure you, I know how it’s done.”

The teapot huffed, its lid rattling.

“Pfft! Centuries of doing it wrong, perhaps!”

I gasped. “How dare you?!”

“How dare I?!” the teapot snapped. “You poured hot water first, THEN the leaves! That’s backwards! The tea leaves must settle in the pot first, then the water, or the flavor is ruined!”

I stared.

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Oh, is it?” the teapot challenged.

“It is!”

“Then drink it.”

I took a sip.

…

It was terrible.

But I wasn’t going to admit it.

“It’s… fine,” I muttered.

The teapot laughed. “Ha! Even your beard twitched in disgust!”

The Teapot’s Revenge

“Alright, you smug little pot,” I growled. “Let’s see if you can do better.”

“With pleasure!” the teapot declared. “But I will need proper treatment. I demand fresh mountain water, not this muddy well nonsense!”

“This is excellent water!” I protested.

“Oh really? Then why does your tea taste like wet socks?”

I narrowed my eyes.

“Alright, then,” I said. “Fresh mountain water it is.”

So, I climbed up the very tall, very steep, very annoying mountain to get fresh water.

And when I returned, covered in twigs and frustration, the teapot sniffed the air and said—

“Hmm. Acceptable.”

Oh, now I was determined.

I boiled the water exactly as it demanded.

I let the tea leaves settle first, just as it insisted.

And then, when I finally poured the tea…

It was the best cup of tea I had ever tasted.

I set the cup down and narrowed my eyes at the teapot.

“Alright,” I muttered. “You win.”

The teapot puffed up proudly, steam curling into a perfect swirl.

“Of course, I win. I am a teapot of refinement.”

I sighed. “You’re an absolute menace.”

“And yet,” the teapot said smugly, “you’ll never make tea wrong again.”

I grumbled into my cup.

It wasn’t wrong.

And that made it even worse.

Merlin’s Final Words

I have fought many battles in my time.

But no battle has left me feeling so utterly defeated as the day I lost an argument to a teapot.

And so, dear reader, if you ever find yourself with an enchanted kettle…

Do yourself a favor.

Just do what it says.

You’ll save yourself a great deal of trouble.

And probably have the best tea of your life.